I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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