i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
do herpes really smell.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
