Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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