it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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