i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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