i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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