does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
