1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
