and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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