I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
