I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
