Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize