She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
