we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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