every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
