she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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