I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
