dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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