STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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