first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
