Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
