Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
...so i touched it.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
