shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
