Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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