i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
