I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
