Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
