Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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