The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
only you would photoshop your dick
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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