Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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