two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
