she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My hand turned me down
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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