1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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