PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the condom got lost in my hair
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
