Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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