I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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