Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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