My friends, they love my intelligence
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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