and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
