this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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