It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
