he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
