Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize