she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
