So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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