well you can't waste a boner
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
