My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
