Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize