Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
