all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
