garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize