i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
