Someone shit on the floor
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
