yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
