i think i have herpe
just one?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
