so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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