I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
