Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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