Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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