Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
