I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
