i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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