You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm too high and old for this...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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