I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
