Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
