So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
