new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize