She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
