I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
